Living Beyond Myself- Part II

After Adrianna turned a year and I could actually enjoy life again, the Lord blessed us with another pregnancy in August of 2005. Honestly, I wasn't quite ready for it. We went to Chicago as a family for Shawn's birthday that year and on September 14th, I miscarried our little baby. I never imagined I would ever have to go through that. Through it I still felt God's arms holding me and telling me to wait. I might never know the reason for that but I look forward to the day when I can see our little baby in Heaven. On February 17th of 2006 we found out we were pregnant again.
I had a little bit easier pregnancy, but still had gestational diabetes. Eliza was born in October of 2006. Her full name is Eliza Jacquelyn, meaning "Renewal of God's promises". She is named after my grandma who is one of the most amazing and godly women I know. Her entire life emulates grace and love. I was reminded again of the promise God gives us that he is faithful, that he takes care of us, and he knows EXACTLY what we need. She has been a blessing too and she has really helped heal my soul. I did not suffer post-partum depression like I did with Adrianna.
I honestly did not feel we were done having kids, but my head and heart where telling me NO WAY! I kept thinking of the difficulties of my pregnancies, the depression, the adjustments, and I didn't want to go through that again.
I really value what little time I have to myself and I didn't want to give that up. I looked around at other families with more than 2 kids and I did not want to have to do it. I think we adjusted pretty well to Eliza and I am just now getting used to family life with 4. I still feel like there is a little boy for our family that God has already thought of, but up to this point, my heart has been unwilling to even try to get pregnant again.