Thursday is fast approaching and honestly I'm still feeling kind of numb. I still feel like this is happening to someone else and I'm on the outside looking in. I asked Shawn if we could just drive by the hospital on Thursday and go on vacation instead! But no... we have to face this..it is inevitable...it has to be done. As I am surrounding myself with God's word and encouragement from others I am reminded of the truth of what God has said to me. He is there, He is my provider, He is my healer, He is my sanctuary. I definitely do not always "feel" the emotion of it, but I know it to be true. I keep reading. I keep believing that He is holding me and taking away my fear.
I am thankful the outcome is optimistic but I still have to travel the journey. I still have to walk each step and wait. I still will see God's hand on every step and in every detail. That is what I am holding on to as I anticipate what is going to happen. He is with me abundantly!
I am also thankful that the results from the Mayo clinic were negative! It is the not the cancer that is in the lymph nodes!
A few prayer requests:
For me that I will continue to hold to God's word and His truth, not my own. That the surgery would go well and the doctor would know exactly what to do. That I would be able to rest in God's healing hands. And that I would not be too overwhelmed with missing the kids.
For Shawn: That he would be able to focus at work and not be overwhelmed with all the things that have to be done. That he would have a peace overwhelm him that wherever he is during a particular day is exactly where God wants him.
For the Kids: That they would not be anxious or scared about what is going on, and that they would feel God's love surround them.
Thanks so much for your prayers and love. We will try to update here as soon as we know anything else.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Monday, April 12, 2010
Psalm 42
"As the deer pants for the water brooks, So my soul pants for You, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the LIVING God; When shall I come and appear before God?
My tears have been my food day and night, While they say to me all day long, "Where is your God?"
These things I remember and I pour out my soul within me. For I used to go along with the throng and lead them in procession to the house of God, With the voice of joy and thanksgiving, a multitude keeping festival.
Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me?
HOPE in God, for I shall again praise Him, for the help of His presence.
O my God, my soul is in despair within me; Therefore I remember You from the land of Jordan and the peaks of Hermon, from Mount Mizar.
Deep calls to deep at the sound of your waterfalls; All Your breakers and Your waves have rolled over me. The Lord will command His lovingkindness in the daytime; and His song will be with me in the night. A prayer to the God of my life!
I will say to God my rock, "Why have you forgotten me?" Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy? As a shattering of my bones, my adversaries revile me, While they say to me all day long, "Where is your God?". Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him,
The help of my countenance and my God."
My tears have been my food day and night, While they say to me all day long, "Where is your God?"
These things I remember and I pour out my soul within me. For I used to go along with the throng and lead them in procession to the house of God, With the voice of joy and thanksgiving, a multitude keeping festival.
Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me?
HOPE in God, for I shall again praise Him, for the help of His presence.
O my God, my soul is in despair within me; Therefore I remember You from the land of Jordan and the peaks of Hermon, from Mount Mizar.
Deep calls to deep at the sound of your waterfalls; All Your breakers and Your waves have rolled over me. The Lord will command His lovingkindness in the daytime; and His song will be with me in the night. A prayer to the God of my life!
I will say to God my rock, "Why have you forgotten me?" Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy? As a shattering of my bones, my adversaries revile me, While they say to me all day long, "Where is your God?". Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him,
The help of my countenance and my God."
Thursday, April 8, 2010
A Single-Minded Worship
I have been doing a Bible study called "He speaks to Me" by Priscilla Shirer. It has been exactly what I have needed in this journey God is taking me on. Today I felt particularly called to open His word. I felt empty and anxious until I sat down to see what God wanted to tell me.
This past week the lesson was called "A single-minded worship". The lesson was using the story of Moses to teach about God's glory. A few things the author focused on:
1. God's glory is all around us, even in the desert places.
2. God's glory exceeds comprehension.
3. God' glory is reserved for only One.
4. God's glory demands a response.
5. God's glory discovers us where we are.
When I think of the passage in Exodus when Moses sees the burning bush, do you know what he did first? He went over to it! That reminded me that when we are faced with anything, we MUST first look to God. We need to come away from whatever we are doing and delight in Him.
The 2nd thing Moses did was humble himself by taking off his sandals. Granted, God told him to, but he obeyed. He admitted that he was unclean and not worthy.
The 3rd thing he did was hide his face. At first I thought Moses was afraid of God. Then I realized that Moses was in reverence and awe of God.
That is one of my prayers during this time of having cancer. That I would look to God first. And continually look at Him. That I would humble myself and realize that I am not worthy of His grace and mercy, but then accept His grace and mercy and be in awe of what He is going to do.
God's glory demands a response. I am praying that God's glory would be evident in my life and that I would respond in the way He would want me to.
I also read these verses today:
Exodus 33:19-23
"And the Lord said, " I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, the Lord, in your presence. I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion. But, "he said, "you cannot see my face, for no one may see me and live." The the Lord said, "There is a place near me where you may stand on a rock. When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by. Then I will remove my hand and you will see my back; but my face must not be seen."
God controlled how much of His glory he revealed to Moses. Just exactly what He needed. It doesn't matter what we think we need from God, He knows what is best for us.
Right now, I think I need God's healing touch and He still can reveal that to me. But, he may decide to just continue to reveal His peace in the midst of this. Either way, God's glory is going to shine through!
This past week the lesson was called "A single-minded worship". The lesson was using the story of Moses to teach about God's glory. A few things the author focused on:
1. God's glory is all around us, even in the desert places.
2. God's glory exceeds comprehension.
3. God' glory is reserved for only One.
4. God's glory demands a response.
5. God's glory discovers us where we are.
When I think of the passage in Exodus when Moses sees the burning bush, do you know what he did first? He went over to it! That reminded me that when we are faced with anything, we MUST first look to God. We need to come away from whatever we are doing and delight in Him.
The 2nd thing Moses did was humble himself by taking off his sandals. Granted, God told him to, but he obeyed. He admitted that he was unclean and not worthy.
The 3rd thing he did was hide his face. At first I thought Moses was afraid of God. Then I realized that Moses was in reverence and awe of God.
That is one of my prayers during this time of having cancer. That I would look to God first. And continually look at Him. That I would humble myself and realize that I am not worthy of His grace and mercy, but then accept His grace and mercy and be in awe of what He is going to do.
God's glory demands a response. I am praying that God's glory would be evident in my life and that I would respond in the way He would want me to.
I also read these verses today:
Exodus 33:19-23
"And the Lord said, " I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, the Lord, in your presence. I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion. But, "he said, "you cannot see my face, for no one may see me and live." The the Lord said, "There is a place near me where you may stand on a rock. When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by. Then I will remove my hand and you will see my back; but my face must not be seen."
God controlled how much of His glory he revealed to Moses. Just exactly what He needed. It doesn't matter what we think we need from God, He knows what is best for us.
Right now, I think I need God's healing touch and He still can reveal that to me. But, he may decide to just continue to reveal His peace in the midst of this. Either way, God's glory is going to shine through!
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Fun Day!
We had a great day celebrating Adrianna's Birthday! We did make it to the mall to get her ears pierced! She was very brave in wanting to get it done even though she knew it was going to hurt. They were able to do both ears at once and she did cry but the sucker and sticker afterwards made it better! They gave her a teddy bear to hold and she did hold my hand through it. We also took her to get her haircut at a "real" salon! I had a few coupons for Auntie Anne's pretzels so we indulged in that before Daddy and her rode the carousel.
We shopped a little bit and we even found her a dress for $2.54 at Kohl's! Thank you for clearance and Kohl's cash! Thank you to my mom for watching Eliza and Caleb so we could take her out!
She requested pizza for dinner so we had that along with her Barbie cake for dessert.
What a truly fun day! I can still hardly believe she is 6....
Happy 6th Birthday Adrianna!
Happy Birthday to my Sweet Girl! This was our 1st moment together on April 6th, 2004. She was born at 12:45pm at Zeeland Community Hospital.
What an incredible answer to prayer she was on that day!
Little bundle at 13 months!
So smiley at 17 months!
There are so many things I love about Adrianna! She has such a tender heart and is willing to help out anyone she sees. It amazes me how grown up she is becoming. She wants to help me do everything! From flipping pancakes on the griddle to taking care of Caleb, she definitely is becoming a little lady!
She loves school and seems to make friends easily. I see her confidence growing as she walks into school all by herself. I am so proud of her! She is really trying to learn how to read and sound out things.
She still LOVES movies and computer games but she is also learning how to ride her bike without training wheels.
I see God working in her life as her conscience starts to emerge and she is really starting to care about others. She is very much like me in that fact that she loves to organize things and figure out how to make it better. I see myself in her so much that it's scary sometimes!
She loves to be affirmed in the things she does by herself and I pray she can continue to become a confident and assured young lady!
Today we are taking her to get her ears pierced! I told her she could have them when she could help take care of them herself. She also wanted a haircut!
I also asked her what she wanted for her birthday dinner and she wants pizza! Easy for me!
So....I love you sweet pea! I love being your mommy and I pray I have many more years of seeing you grow in God's love and grace!
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Litte Tutu
Can we get any cuter!!
We signed Eliza up for a Ballet class through the Wyoming Rec. Department. It is 6 weeks long and they learn the basic ballet terms and movements. They even have a little performance on the last class! She did really well even though parents had to stay out of the room!
Can you tell which little Princess is ours??:):)My next journey...
I have sleep apnea. And frankly I hate it! I have to wear this lovely mask when I sleep that is quite attractive let me tell you! A few weeks ago I went to see my sleep doctor with the intent to discuss having my tonsils out and any other options so that I would not have to wear the mask. The surgery could possibly help the apnea, but there were no guarantees that it would take it away completely. She wanted me to see an ENT to get his opinion on surgery since he would be the one doing it.
So..I went to see my ENT. He basically left the decision up to me if I wanted to have my tonsils out. It would help the constant sore throats I get and would open up my airway a little bit more. During that appointment he felt my neck and felt a lump on my thyroid. He very casually said I needed an ultrasound to check it out.
After the ultrasound I got a call saying I would need a biopsy. At that point I started to get a little more concerned but I was told that 95% of people who have this, it is benign. The biopsy was a little scary because they had to take 4 samples out of my thyroid. I had to lay very still and not swallow! It went very well and I think they were able to get what they needed. This happened on a Monday and they said I should know by Thursday or Friday.
On Tuesday I took Eliza for her 1st Ballet class! I was a little bummed that we could not go in to watch. She looked so cute in her tutu! This seems like hard-core ballet because I heard the teacher say to another girl "We don't talk to our friends during ballet class.". As I was waiting, the ENT office called. I knew that it probably wasn't good news.
Actually, I wasn't all that shocked when the nurse told me it was cancer. Even before the biopsy, the Lord was telling me that this was going to be a journey. I knew in my heart that it was going to be positive. Granted, standing outside at a ballet class is not the best place to receive news like that, but I don't think there really is a good place!
I actually am still numb and I'm not quite sure how to process it yet. It doesn't seem real in a way. It seems like this happens to other people and I just hear about it. At 32, how can I have cancer?? It feels weird to even write it...
So...I am having surgery on April 15th. I'm not sure of the time but it is a 2 1/2-3 hour surgery. They will take out the entire thyroid and then examine the cells to see what they are. They think it is papillary cancer which is the most common. Afterwards I would also have to have an iodine treatment which is a form of radiation. It is a pill and it kills any cancerous cells that could possibly be left inside. A downside to that is that I would be radioactive for a few days! I would have to stay away from people and wipe down everything I touch!
A few of the cells from my blood work showed signs of possibly being medullary cancer. If that is the case, they would also have to take out the lymph nodes around the thyroid. This is a more extensive surgery.
We did tell the girls a little bit about what is going on. Adrianna prayed for me right after and said "Dear Jesus, please heal the hump in mommy's neck!".
I explained a little bit more to Eliza tonight and bless her heart she started to cry! She was afraid they were going to take off my entire neck! She said "Are they going to put it back after they cut it off?"! I just told her that I have a sickness inside and they are going to take it out. She seemed to understand that a little bit better!
Shawn is doing okay. He is always so optimistic! He said at church tonight during the Saturday Easter service that he was filled with God's peace about this whole thing. I know I will get there too! Please pray for him too since he will have to still go back to work, take care of the house, and the kids, and not worry too much about me!
A VERY good friend of mine reminded me of what my life verse says. It is Psalm 27:1 but I encourage you to read it the whole chapter!
I am just resting in Jesus right now and He assured me today with the simple truth that he is my friend. What do friends do? They walk with you, they hold your hand, they lift you up, and this friend goes to the utter depths with you! I know He will be glorified in some way through this. At some point I will be excited to see what that is!
Please continue to pray for us. That the kids would understand and not be too scared, that the surgery would go well, and that we would continue to trust completely in our Saviour.
Thanks in advance for all of the prayers storming Heaven!
So..I went to see my ENT. He basically left the decision up to me if I wanted to have my tonsils out. It would help the constant sore throats I get and would open up my airway a little bit more. During that appointment he felt my neck and felt a lump on my thyroid. He very casually said I needed an ultrasound to check it out.
After the ultrasound I got a call saying I would need a biopsy. At that point I started to get a little more concerned but I was told that 95% of people who have this, it is benign. The biopsy was a little scary because they had to take 4 samples out of my thyroid. I had to lay very still and not swallow! It went very well and I think they were able to get what they needed. This happened on a Monday and they said I should know by Thursday or Friday.
On Tuesday I took Eliza for her 1st Ballet class! I was a little bummed that we could not go in to watch. She looked so cute in her tutu! This seems like hard-core ballet because I heard the teacher say to another girl "We don't talk to our friends during ballet class.". As I was waiting, the ENT office called. I knew that it probably wasn't good news.
Actually, I wasn't all that shocked when the nurse told me it was cancer. Even before the biopsy, the Lord was telling me that this was going to be a journey. I knew in my heart that it was going to be positive. Granted, standing outside at a ballet class is not the best place to receive news like that, but I don't think there really is a good place!
I actually am still numb and I'm not quite sure how to process it yet. It doesn't seem real in a way. It seems like this happens to other people and I just hear about it. At 32, how can I have cancer?? It feels weird to even write it...
So...I am having surgery on April 15th. I'm not sure of the time but it is a 2 1/2-3 hour surgery. They will take out the entire thyroid and then examine the cells to see what they are. They think it is papillary cancer which is the most common. Afterwards I would also have to have an iodine treatment which is a form of radiation. It is a pill and it kills any cancerous cells that could possibly be left inside. A downside to that is that I would be radioactive for a few days! I would have to stay away from people and wipe down everything I touch!
A few of the cells from my blood work showed signs of possibly being medullary cancer. If that is the case, they would also have to take out the lymph nodes around the thyroid. This is a more extensive surgery.
We did tell the girls a little bit about what is going on. Adrianna prayed for me right after and said "Dear Jesus, please heal the hump in mommy's neck!".
I explained a little bit more to Eliza tonight and bless her heart she started to cry! She was afraid they were going to take off my entire neck! She said "Are they going to put it back after they cut it off?"! I just told her that I have a sickness inside and they are going to take it out. She seemed to understand that a little bit better!
Shawn is doing okay. He is always so optimistic! He said at church tonight during the Saturday Easter service that he was filled with God's peace about this whole thing. I know I will get there too! Please pray for him too since he will have to still go back to work, take care of the house, and the kids, and not worry too much about me!
A VERY good friend of mine reminded me of what my life verse says. It is Psalm 27:1 but I encourage you to read it the whole chapter!
I am just resting in Jesus right now and He assured me today with the simple truth that he is my friend. What do friends do? They walk with you, they hold your hand, they lift you up, and this friend goes to the utter depths with you! I know He will be glorified in some way through this. At some point I will be excited to see what that is!
Please continue to pray for us. That the kids would understand and not be too scared, that the surgery would go well, and that we would continue to trust completely in our Saviour.
Thanks in advance for all of the prayers storming Heaven!
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