Control Freak Mom

I have been reading this great book called "Real Moms" by Elisa Morgan & Carol Kuykendall. It has been so freeing to read this! I would recommend it to any mom out there who needs some encouragement that the things you are doing are good enough! I wish I could just copy and paste the entire thing because it is so good!
This chapter is one of the many that stood out to me. It's called "Control Freak Mom- Real Moms can't control how their kids turn out". This has been a big fear of mine since before I even had kids and especially now that Adrianna is in school. I want to take away all the bad things that have happened and will happen to any of my kids. I want to protect them and create this safe world for them. I want to be there to diffuse teasing and sadness.
But I can't. I can't control every aspect of their world.
I think we as moms have this allusion that if we do everything right, we can have the desired result we want with our kids. Who determines what is "right"? There is no formula for this and there is no "right" way to do everything!
I often wonder if I have done something wrong when my child has an issue or struggles with something. This book reminded me that my job is to help shape who they are, not make them who they are. God already did that!
A Psychologist was quoted saying: "In a production-oriented society, it's only natural that a mother will want to create a perfect product to prove to herself, her own mother, and the world that she's done her job well. We mothers are judged not only by our behavior, but also by our children's behavior, which we can influence but not control".
It's like our own self-imposed report card! We try and base our success as a mother on our children's actions and what other people think. There is an incredible fear of failure when we have this mentality!

I am a confessed perfectionist. Yep, it is something that most of the time I want to get rid of. I struggle with those tendencies every day. I am trying not to unintentionally and intentionally impose that on my kids. God created them as a unique blueprint. It is my job to raise them up in the way God has already designed them. I have to learn what I can control and what I can't. I can control my heart and attitude. I can control how much I pray for my kids every day. I can control the way I listen to God's voice telling me how to live and what to do. I can't control how they turn out.
We always hear the verse "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it". Prov. 22:6. The authors say "In other words, raise a child in his way, in the way God made that unique child to be, and when he is old, he will, indeed, be the person God made him to be".

We are all on this journey I think. We want all the best for our kids and we want them to be safe. I am learning to let go every time I drop Adrianna off at school and watch her walk confidently up to her line and wait to go in the building. The Lord keeps telling me "Let her go, I've got her in My hands". Boy is that hard!
I guess this whole not needing to control everything should be pretty freeing! That is if we can live that way! I think this will always be a struggle for me. I know what I need to do, I just need to remember to surrender it every day! It's kind of dumb that I sometimes feel safer when I don't let my control go. Like I can do things better than God can!

Real Mom Story:
"I wish" by Susan Tuggy
(I modified a few things!)

I wish I could keep you from getting hurt....
no cuts,
no bruises,
no tears.
I can't.
But I can....
give you a princess bandage,
or put some nice cold ice on your owie,
or hug you tight enough to squeeze the tears out.

I wish I could make every day sunny and warm...
no storm clouds,
no cold winds,
no smoggy air.
I can't.
But I can...
give you and umbrella,
or find your warmest jacket,
or do something fun with you inside our home.

I wish I could cook only your most favorite foods every day...
no spices,
no squishy squash,
no funny fish.
I can't.
But I can...
have you try one very small bite,
or put ketchup on it,
or serve it on your favorite plate.

Oh, how I wish I could keep you from getting sick...
no runny nose,
no chicken pox,
no tummy ache.
I can't.
But I can...
help you blow,
or rub lotion on your spots,
or rock you in my arms till you feel better.

I wish I could say everything just right...
no cranky words,
no hurt feelings,
no bad days.
I can't.
But I can say...
"I'm sorry,"
or "Please forgive me,"
or "Will you ask Jesus to help Mommy?"
Now that I can do!

I am praying that I can release my control on my children and trust wholly in the God who made them! He can take better care of them then I can!