In the Midst

When we are going through
tough times in our lives,
Jesus doesn't stand
on the outside of our difficulties
and cheer us on. Jesus is in the center.
He is the God who is in the midst of each thing
we walk through in life.
He is there to speak peace to us,
to calm the storm, to assure us of victory, and
to walk with us into a new day.
---Roy Lessin

I think this has been the biggest lesson I have learned during these past 7 weeks. Finding the peace of Christ in the midst of great turmoil. We never anticipated the struggles we would have to work through after having Caleb. We kept asking "Why?" and wondering if there was some great sin that we had not confessed and God was punishing us. We kept looking for the ways God was speaking to us. I think it was after the service a few weeks ago when Pastor Wayne was talking about the different trials or "2x4's" Christ will bring into our lives so that he can speak to us. The main point was that after you go through all the trials, the word of the Lord comes through sometimes during, sometimes after.

During the time I had my ear infection, I really had to sit back and listen. It caused me to evaluate my parenting, Shawn and I together, our relationship, and how we are raising our kids. During the time I was in the hospital with Caleb, I had to sit back and listen. I had A LOT of time to think and pray and try and figure out what God was trying to teach me. His peace kept washing over me. He kept telling me that He was there in the midst of this.

I am learning more each day how to live in the moment. How to appreciate the time I have and have joy during those times. I am also learning how to be more anal about my cleaning...:) No germs are going to survive in our house!:)
I am blessed that God allowed us to go through these past weeks of intense trusting in Him. I have learning how to pray more and I know I will keep learning how to. I am learning how to love my kids more, how to love Shawn more, how to let things go and focus on what is important. Things like laughter, prayer, time together, and love.

It was very scary to be in the hospital with Caleb while he was struggling to breathe. Seeing him on oxygen and a heart monitor. Being the only one to comfort him. Even in all of that, God was there, showering His peace on me. Showing me that I had nothing to fear.
Now we have this precious boy...yes, a boy!...I am still trying to believe that!.....who we can love. Who has already added so much love to our family. I have 2 precious girls, despite their drama, who make me laugh every day. I have a loving, self-sacrificing husband who I have grown so much closer to through all of this.
I remember praying before Caleb was born that God would draw me closer to him. That I would also be drawn more closer to Shawn. Well...I didn't expect it to be in the way God planned out for us but it happened. I never want it to happen again....we I wouldn't give back what we learned for anything!

We were also so overwhelmed with blessing from our family and friends. People sent cards and e-mails, gave us meals again after just bringing them after Caleb was born. We have never been on the receiving end of so much before. Shawn's sister and parents bought us an abundance of groceries and my parents were such a good support to us too. I can't convey how loved and cared for we felt and how much it helped to know that people were giving their help in a tangible way. It really challenged me to be aware of others who would need help like that. I say thank you even though it feels like it is not enough!

"...Jesus....stood in the midst, and said, 'Peace be unto you.' " John 20:26